FO News Roundup: March 5, 2009

It's Thursday, and the Dow is getting hammered. What, you came here for news? All right, fine:

• CORRUPTION ALERT: The Boston Globe reports that city officials dealing with Boston College expansion issues have ties to Boston College! Next week, a Globe expose uncovers that 100% of immigration officials are themselves immigrants or descendants of immigrants. (M)
• Front-page headlines from FOX, The New York Times, and MSNBC finally agree on the most important story of the day. Obama's hair is turning gray! See the pictures! Warn the children! (M)
• Yes, let's throw more money down this black hole. Dinosaurs die. Something new and better takes their place. Good-bye, crappy cars! (M)
• Thousands gathered in Khartoum to support Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir, who faces international war crimes charges for commissioning Arab janjaweed militias (many of their members recruited by force) to kill, rape, and displace hundreds of thousands of people in Darfur; also, L.A. County authorities are charging Chris Brown with assault and making criminal threats. (P, committed to doing this until the madness stops)
• We stand witness today to the birth of the Manny Ramirez Clause. Anybody think Manny donated his $1 million to the Jimmy Fund? (P)
• Argument before the Califonia Supreme Court today on the challenge to Proposition 8. Can we confirm the rumor that the Mormons brought lush, fluffy cushions in for the Justices' benches? (P)
• First Martin Luther stuck it to the Catholic Church by tacking his 95 Theses up on the church door. Now Katie Freitas is hanging bags of condoms on hers. (P)