FO News Roundup: April 30, 2009

One in just under the wire. We gotta meet our April post quota, after all:

• Police are shocked to find that no other victims have come forward in response to their CraigsList ad. Great police work, guys! I guess the CraigsList Killer didn't kill anyone else after all. (M)
  
• Pass legislation the right doesn't like and you're overly partisan, breaking your campaign promise to unite the country; seek compromise and common ground and you're still breaking your campaign promises. It doesn't matter which one, we can always find an angry, negative headline! (M)
  
• Fear-mongering again! The last administration never merited such headlines from Fox News. Ahhh, the good old days when we could trust our government! (M)
  
• On what grounds? Do we not needs grounds for divorce anymore? Another assault on traditional marriage! (M)
• No word as yet on whether Hannity well follow through on his talk of getting waterboarded for charity — this notwithstanding that Keith Olbermann is offering a $1000-per-minute pledge. Of course, if you really wanted to rake it in, they'd both be on the slab, and they'd sell tickets. (P)
  
• Justice Souter will retire this year, which means Pat Robertson's prayers have been answered — but a year too late. Mysterious ways are a bitch, aren't they, Pat? (P)
• Here's the perfect gift for anyone who loves to scare the bejeezus out of himself in the middle of the night: a life-sized secondhand wax sculpture of Cher. (P)
• OK: anyone under 40 with half a brain knows this business was inspired by one of about 35 Grand Theft Auto missions. Which just goes to show that cars don't kill Dutch royal parade bystanders — video games do.