We're putting aside our "best/worst dressed on Oscar night" feature ("Phutatorius went with depression chic on Sunday night: blue jeans, green Stereolab T-shirt, fraying gray hoody sweatshirt.") for some news bullets. Bear with us:
- Turns out you can't see Atlantis on Google Earth. But if you go to Street View you can see a unicorn in my front yard. Oh, no, wait — that's just a fertilizer bag. (P)
- The SEC announced a big policy shift today: they're going to try to do their jobs. (P — not holding his breath).
- The Octuplets' Mother's Ex wants a piece of the action. Would he be as interested if the kids were a much less marketable set of quints? (P)
- According to this morning's headlines: Bernanke says recession to end in 2009, recession should end in 2009, there is some possibility of recession ending in 2009, recession may last into 2010, and the economy is suffering a severe contraction. He hopes 2010 is the year of recovery, sees 2010 recovery only if banks stabilize, offers a jobless recovery, and says the recovery will take years. Everyone clear? Everyone confident? (M)
- Nicky Hilton made a citizen's arrest at IHOP early Saturday morning. The perp, who apparently bumped into Ms. Hilton on the way out of the building (a strict liability offense, per California Dissolute Heiresses Protection Code § 2.14), will be arraigned Wednesday in the restaurant's "Kangaroo Court." (P)
- For crying out loud, the guy's living in a basement. If you want to talk about his tax liability for that, you're hurting for causes, and a cafeteria just opened up for your sit-in. (P)
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