Siriusly?

MITHRIDATES
As a sports fan, the XM-Sirius merger was a must. Choosing between XM/MLB and Sirius/NFL was no choice at all, but woe was the poor consumer who had to make that choice in the first place. But now all is well. I've enjoyed three seasons of every MLB game — half of the Sox games brought to me by Joe Castiglione and Jerry Trupiano/Jerry Trupiano replacement, the other half by dim-witted morons ignorant of the game of baseball. And now I get to listen to my beat you if they cheat/ beat you if they don't cheat/can't beat you without their quarterback Patriots.

Except that I don't. Mostly because they didn't make the playoffs, but partly because I need to buy an extra package to hear them. Now, it's not the extra $4 a month that bothers me, it's that the extra package automatically comes with Martha Stewart Living Radio. It's just not worth it to me to have all the football games every week for that one time when I'm flipping through and have to listen momentarily to that jailbird drone on about the joy of oranges. "Oh, why not just keep on flipping through the channels, you say?" Sure, but the problem is I wouldn't. She'd ask a question about oranges and I'd have to wait for the answer. And then I'd be hooked. And there goes my whole Sunday.

But for music lovers, the merger is a killer. What happened to Fred? And Ethel? And Lucy? I'd become good friends with my three alt. rock alt. personas. Where are they now? Siruis will have you believe they're still there, under the aliases First Wave, Alt. Nation, and Lithium. Oh sure the music's the same, but my hip, cutting edge pals are gone forever.

PHUTATORIUS
She's only talking up oranges because she bought stock in Sunkist and Tropicana.