"Hey, I heard you missed us, WE'RE BACK!" Thank you, David Lee Roth.
- Mass. lawmaker blames failed Breathalyzer test on his toothpaste. An unlikely story, indeed, and we're toasting the Boston Herald for road-testing the defense. Here's to you, boys! (P, downs Sensodyne and soda)
- Why is there a cork on the chopstick? To prevent Ruprecht from hurting himself. (P, M)
- "Coated in Controversy" over a picture of the President, "Obama made mistake", "Advantage GOP?", "Right optimistic", "Health Care: Critics eye deficit", "Fox Forum: Balance of power starting to tip", "You Decide: Most troubling issues for Dems". I believe that's a new record: seven anti-Dem/pro-Rep bits in the tiny headline box all at once. (M)
- Amend for Arnold! Let's play "Count the Democratic Weasels Who Won't Support This for Fear of Their Union Paymasters." Now let's play "Count the Republican Weasels Who Will Criticize Supporters for Any Repeat Offender Released before the End of His Natural Life." (M)
- In the beginning, there was Jared Fogle. Now Taco Bell's touting this Christine Dougherty character. Fame and fortune await you, if you can lose weight eating nothing but a single restaurant chain's fast food. I'll do McDonald's! Oh, wait. Crap. (P)
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