FO News Roundup: May 8, 2009

Thank God It's Friday — now pass the snake heads:

• Pakistan cancels deal with Taliban, signaling a start to a larger military offensive in Swat and a greater role in the War on Islam. (M)
• A Gallup study shows that Muslims in Britain and Germany identify with their countries at a greater rate than Brits and Deutsche in general; not so for France, where Muslims have much less confidence in the police and national institutions than the average citoyen. European Muslims feel "far more isolated" than their North American counterparts. (M)
• "WHERE'S THE BIOWEAPON?" "Dude, I just wanna order a 7 and 7." "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME! WHERE IS IT?" (P)
• "Some of the largest banks need billions more if recession worsens," reads the headline on the Fox News home page; "Federal Reserve's findings show the financial system, like the overall economy, is on the mend," says the home page of MSNBC. Both headlines link to the exact same AP story. (M)
• The Pope has declared his deep "respect" for Islam and its adherents. Of course, none of them will be saved, but we can still throw 'em a bone here on Earth. (P)
• According to the latest NY Times/CBS poll, 3% of Americans think "The American Dream" is an illusion or doesn't exist. These morons are completely and thoroughly disproven by the 44% of Americans who have already reached it. (M)
• Begging the questions: (1) who orders broccoli at TGI Fridays? and (2) is this one of their new Jack Daniels® recipes? (P)
• Ladies take note: Don't marry a guy whose last wife drowned mysteriously in her own bathtub just before their joint assets were about to be split, making him the sole beneficiary. (M)