FO News Roundup: May 4, 2009

Don't judge the hot, 100kg socialist Mexican panda for drinking Dr. Pepper! Sorry, but it was hard to find a theme for today's news:

• Sens. Specter and Leahy favor non-lawyer/non-judge candidates for the Supreme Court: you know, because the Court could benefit from someone with a "broader life experience." And along those lines, why do we only let "architects" build buildings for us? All they do is sit around and think about buildings all day. Dipshits. (Specter and Leahy, that is — not the architects) (P)
• Could there be any better sign of the deterioration of sports media than CBS Sportsline's "Who Was the Hotter Catwoman?" article? The answer, by the way, is Michelle Pfeiffer. (P)
• The National Zoo reports that a panda could be pregnant, because she's not immediately eating the pears they give her. There's got to be a better way to test for this. (P)
• Sorry, Europe, but we invented the Internet and therefore get to run it forever. You guys stick to what you do best, like maintaining the metric system. (M)
• Some things are better left unknown. I don't want to see how sausage is made and I certainly don't want to know what goes in to Dr. Pepper. (M)
• Socialism is officially upon us! The Wall Street Journal's editorial page offers a critique of capitalism and notes the fundamental importance of proper government regulation. (M)
• Dealing with outbreaks is so much easier if you're totalitarian: just lock up the Mexicans in hotels and strand your own people in Mexico. There. Done. Take that, democracy. We're more efficient than you! (M)