WHITECOLLAR REDNECK
During the first round of the NBA playoffs, I committed a vicious assault, was brought to justice, and served a custodial sentence with no time off for good behavior (if you try to be nice when you're inside, the other inmates treat you something rough).
During this second round of the NBA playoffs, I grew a beard like Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top, then I shaved it off and have grown another beard like Dusty Hill of ZZ Top.
This morning I planted an acorn in my backyard. When it grows into a tree, I'm going to build a treehouse in its upper branches. In that treehouse I'm going to install a 3D projector television - the kind that will have been invented by then - and that's where I'm going to watch the NBA finals. I'm hoping that the kids I don't have yet will be home from college at the time because I will probably have arthritis and need some help climbing up the rope ladder.
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