BULLETIN: Hey, so that kid you want to abort? He could grow up to be a Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback and the World's Best Person Ever. Choice can be a real bitch.

BULLETIN: Scott Brown doesn't think President Obama's views are relevant to the Senate race in Massachusetts. But Curt Schilling's are. What, is he going down there to call balls and strikes?

BULLETIN: "I wish I had never touched steroids," Mark McGwire said. And he's going to give back all the millions he earned when he was one of the three most feared power hitters in the game. Right, Mark?

BULLETIN: Moviegoers are depressed, considering suicide because life on the Avatar planet isn't real or attainable. Class action, anyone? (P)

BULLETIN: Hey, Beck: aren't all words "made up?" You douchebag. (P)

BULLETIN: From CEO of Domino's Pizza to Athletic Director at the University of Michigan — David A. Brandon promises to deliver a winning football season in 30 years or less. (P, heh heh)

BULLETIN: Every black Republican in Congress is demanding a personal apology from Harry Reid for his remarkably stupid remarks. (M)