My Latest Accomplishment

WHITECOLLAR REDNECK
My list of recent work successes is a brief one — as a professional investor, "Still employed" is about the best I can come up with. However, I had a triumph in my personal life today about which I am particularly proud — I finished the last Q-Tip in one of those giant Q-Tip boxes that no one ever finishes. I've had this thing through at least my last two apartment moves — I always assumed that at some point I'd just lose it before I ever finished it. But no! This morning, I pulled out the last cotton-tipped swab, and threw the box away before removing a modest amount of waxy buildup from my ears. I think it's some kind of omen or portent, I will be buying stocks in my personal account today.