From the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" department. Apparently Fenway Franks are being remade and the new supplier "is hoping to wow Fenway's Faithful with a frank that it says is meatier with more distinct flavors of garlic and smoke than anything previously served in the shadow of the Green Monster."
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I don't want meatier. I don't want garlic and smoke. I want the same lightly-steamed, no-protein, bland, mystery-animal-by-product wiener served in a wonder-bread style bun with mustard and relish that I've had since I can remember. I'm paying for gastronomical nostalgia here. If I want fine dining I'll go to L'Espalier.
Apparently they're using "leaner cuts of meat than in the old Fenway Frank!" Come on people! I'm not on a diet! I'm at the ballgame, making myself fatter and loving it.
As the first hot dogs rolled off the production line last week at the Chelsea factory, [Kayem Foods Inc., VP Matt] Monkiewicz took a deep breath and smiled: "It smells like Fenway Park."Great, they're replacing one of the few perfect foods in the world with a wienerwurst that smells like stale urine and sweaty fat guy.
Look, I know everyone prefers their own ballpark cylindrical meat sausage and that's fine. I'm OK with that. Let them have their Dodger Dog if they can be bothered to show up to the game on time. Let them ruin their second-rate Yankee Dog with ketchup. It's not my concern. Really.
But for the love of god, don't mess with my perfect weenie!
